Motherhood, depression, and the weight of summer expectations
by Autumn Colon
Summer arrives carrying so much expectation. We imagine slower mornings, sticky popsicle fingers, neighborhood pool days, family vacations, and long evenings that stretch just a little longer than the rest of the year. It’s the season we’re told to soak up because it goes by so fast. We make bucket lists. We book camps. We scroll through vacation photos and save ideas for “the perfect summer.”
Somewhere along the way, summer became another measure of whether we’re doing motherhood well.
But what happens when everyone is talking about making memories, and you’re simply trying to make it through the day?
Depression doesn’t take a summer vacation.
Summer Isn’t a Break for Every Mother
For many mothers, the warmest season of the year can become one of the heaviest. Not because they don’t love their children or appreciate the season they’re in, but because they’re carrying something invisible while trying to create joy for everyone else.
As a therapist, I’ve learned that one of the hardest parts of depression isn’t always sadness. Sometimes it’s the pressure to convince the world you’re okay while quietly wondering why the sunshine isn’t reaching you the way it seems to reach everyone else.
The structure that once helped the days move forward has disappeared. School is out. Childcare changes. Routines become less predictable. Meals multiply. Camps need to be researched and paid for. Vacations require planning, budgeting, packing, and emotional labor that often goes unseen.
Then there is the invisible work. It’s the mental checklist that’s always running in the background. Who needs new sandals? Has everyone signed up for camp? Do we have enough groceries? Should we plan something fun this weekend? Is everyone making memories they’ll actually remember? Keeping everyone entertained, remembering the sunscreen.
Does the list ever end?
I’ve sat with mothers who tell me they feel guilty because they’re counting down the days until school starts while everyone else seems to be celebrating summer. Others tell me they feel like they’re failing because they don’t have the energy to plan elaborate adventures or create the kinds of childhood memories they imagined for their families.
The truth is that depression has a way of making even ordinary tasks feel heavy. And summer tends to add more to an already full plate.
When Joy Feels Just Out of Reach
One of the greatest misconceptions about depression is that it always looks like sadness. Sometimes it looks like emotional numbness.
You could be watching your children laugh while wishing you could access that same feeling inside yourself. It looks like knowing this should be a beautiful moment, yet you wonder why you feel disconnected from it.
Many of my clients describe depression as feeling like they’re living behind a sheet of glass or in a bubble they haven’t been able to break free from. They’re present. They’re participating. They’re taking pictures, making snacks, driving to the beach, and cheering from the sidelines.
But internally, everything feels muted, as though you’re watching your own life from a distance instead of fully living it.
Clinicians call this anhedonia – a reduced ability to experience pleasure – and it’s one of the hallmark symptoms of depression.
That disconnect often creates another layer of suffering because depression begins whispering stories that simply aren’t true.
“Maybe I’m not a good mom.”
“I should be happier.”
“Everyone else seems to enjoy this more than I do.”
Depression has a way of turning emotional pain into self-criticism. But struggling to feel joy is not the same thing as struggling to love your children. Those are two very different experiences.
The Comparison Trap of Summer
But comparison doesn’t just make us question what we’re doing. It makes us question who we are.
Am I giving my children enough?
Am I creating the childhood they’ll remember?
Why does everyone else seem to be enjoying this more than I am?
What we rarely see are the moments in between. The overstimulation. The financial stress of camps, childcare, and travel. The arguments in the car. The mother who cried in the bathroom before leaving for the zoo. The family vacation that didn’t feel restful for the person who planned every detail of it.
Comparison quietly shifts our attention away from the family in front of us and toward an impossible standard we’ll never actually meet. When you’re already living with depression, it can reinforce the belief that everyone else is doing motherhood better, feeling happier, or creating a summer you’re somehow missing.
The truth is, you’re comparing your everyday reality to someone else’s carefully curated moments. Comparison is the thief of joy, and rarely, if ever, does it tell the whole story.
High-Functioning Depression Is Still Depression
One of the reasons depression is so easy to miss in mothers is because motherhood doesn’t stop when you’re struggling.
Your children still need breakfast. The camp forms still have to be signed. The laundry still gets washed. The vacation still gets planned. So, you keep moving often because you don’t feel like you have another choice.
Many mothers don’t recognize what they’re experiencing because they’re still functioning. They’re getting the kids to camp, answering emails, packing lunches, remembering sunscreen, and showing up for everyone around them. From the outside, everything looks fine.
But looking fine isn’t the same as feeling well. While high-functioning depression isn’t an official mental health diagnosis, many clinicians use the term to describe people who continue meeting the demands of daily life while quietly living with depressive symptoms.
Depression doesn’t always look like staying in bed all day. Sometimes it looks like doing everything you’ve always done while feeling emotionally exhausted, disconnected, or like you’re simply going through the motions. It can look like smiling for the family photo, planning the vacation, or cheering from the sidelines while quietly wondering why everything feels so much harder than it seems for everyone else.
If you’ve been carrying this silently, know this: just because you’re functioning doesn’t mean you aren’t struggling.
How I Support Mothers Through Seasons Like This
When mothers come into therapy during the summer, we rarely start by talking about vacations or calendars. We start by making space for what’s true.
Sometimes that’s “I’m exhausted.” Sometimes it’s, “I don’t recognize myself.” And sometimes it’s simply, “I thought I’d be happier than this.”
From there, we begin to untangle the expectations they’re carrying, and the stories they’ve started believing about themselves. Together, we work to separate depression from identity, because feeling depressed doesn’t mean you’re failing as a mother.
Every mother’s story is different, so therapy isn’t about following a formula. It’s about understanding what this season is asking of you and finding ways to move through it with more support and less shame.
Some of the work we might do together includes:
- Creating space for self-compassion. Depression often brings a harsh inner critic. We practice noticing those thoughts and responding with the same kindness they so freely offer everyone else.
- Releasing unrealistic expectations. We explore where ideas about being the “fun mom” or creating the “perfect summer” came from and whether they’re serving them.
- Making room for glimmers. Depression can make pleasure feel distant, so instead of chasing happiness, we focus on noticing moments of connection, rest, laughter, or peace—without pressure for them to be perfect.
- Reconnecting with values. Rather than measuring the summer by how many activities get crossed off a bucket list, we ask, what kind of mother do you want your children to experience? Often, it’s not about doing more. It’s about being more present with what matters most.
- Building a support system. Whether that means asking for help, sharing the mental load with a partner, leaning on friends or family, or beginning therapy, healing rarely happens in isolation.
Depression can make you believe you have to carry everything alone. One of the most powerful shifts I witness in therapy is when mothers realize they don’t have to earn rest, prove they’re struggling enough, or wait until they’re completely overwhelmed before asking for support.
A Final Thought
Summer has a way of convincing us that we should feel lighter simply because the days are longer.
If this season feels heavier than you expected, I hope you’ll resist the urge to judge yourself for it.
You are not doing summer wrong.
You are not failing because joy feels harder to reach right now.
Sometimes the most meaningful memories aren’t made in the biggest moments. They’re found in quiet connection, honest conversations, shared laughter that catches you by surprise, or simply showing up on the days when it would have been easier to disappear.
There is no perfect way to mother through depression.
Only the courageous work of continuing to love while carrying something incredibly difficult.
A Gentle Takeaway
If you’re moving through depression this summer, let these reminders stay close:
- My children do not need a perfect summer to feel deeply loved.
- Depression may shape this season, but it does not define me as a mother.
- Rest is not taking away from my family; it’s one way I care for them.
- Small moments of connection matter more than perfect memories.
- I deserve support, compassion, and care, too.
Your children are unlikely to remember whether every weekend was filled with adventures.
They’ll remember how they felt with you.
The safety. The comfort. The love that happened naturally.
The moments you sat beside them, even on the days you were carrying more than they could see.
Depression may change what this summer looks like. It does not diminish your capacity to love your children.
If you feel like you need a little more support at this time, schedule a consultation with me and we’ll get you the help you deserve.
