by Autumn Colon, Advanced Clinical Resident
There comes a point every August when summer isn’t quite over, but somehow, you’re already supposed to be preparing for fall.
The emails start creeping into your inbox. School supply lists appear; longer and more expensive each year. You realize somebody has outgrown every pair of pants they own. Bedtimes you’ve spent two months pretending not to notice suddenly become very important again. And somewhere between all of it you’re expected to get an entire household “back on schedule,” and still keep yourself together.
Easier said than done for most.
As a therapist and a mom, I think one of the most important things we can remember during the summer to school transition is that transitions are hard, even when we’re transitioning toward something good.
Two things can be true at the same time.
Your child can be excited to see their friends and anxious about going back to school. You can be counting down the days until school starts and simultaneously overwhelmed by everything that comes with it.
Relief and stress can exist together.
The goal isn’t to flip a switch. It’s to help the whole household find its rhythm again.
Your Family Isn’t a Light Switch
When children struggle during transitions, we often focus first on behavior.
Suddenly bedtime is a battle. Everyone is irritable. Your child, who was perfectly capable of getting dressed independently last spring, suddenly needs you for everything. Someone is crying over the wrong cereal at 7:14 a.m., and you’re wondering how you’re all going to survive the first day of school.
But transition stress doesn’t always announce itself by saying, “Hey Mom, I’m feeling nervous about all these changes.”
Sometimes it looks like irritability, clinginess, trouble sleeping, arguing, procrastination, stomachaches, or a sudden need for more reassurance. Children have spent the summer adjusting to one rhythm, and now their bodies and brains are being asked to adjust again.
That takes time.
And this is where emotional regulation for kids starts with something we sometimes overlook: predictability.
Children tend to feel safer when they have some idea of what’s coming. That doesn’t mean every minute of the day needs to be scheduled. It means gradually giving their bodies cues that things are changing. And, perhaps most importantly, not expecting them to be completely adjusted before they’ve had the chance to adjust.
Don’t Wait Until Sunday Night
We’ve all been there.
School starts Monday, and suddenly Sunday night becomes Operation Back-to-School.
Everyone needs a bath. Clothes need to be laid out. Lunches need to be packed. Devices disappear at 8:00. And the child who has been going to sleep at 11:00 all summer is somehow expected to peacefully fall asleep at 8:30.
Good luck to all involved.
If you can, begin shifting your parenting routines before the first day of school. It doesn’t need to be dramatic. Small changes over several days can make the transition feel less abrupt.
Try moving bedtime and wake-up time gradually rather than all at once. Start bringing meals closer to the times your children will eat during the school day. Reintroduce parts of the morning routine, like getting dressed before breakfast or having backpacks ready near the door.
You can even practice the school morning once before you actually need it. What time does everyone need to wake up? How long does breakfast really take? Who needs twenty minutes to find a shoe that was apparently right in front of them the entire time?
Think of it less as enforcing a schedule and more as helping your family rehearse a rhythm.
Build a Routine for the Family You Actually Have
Back-to-school season can make parents feel like they need an entirely new household management system. Social media and the outside noise will have us believing we need all new color-coded calendars. Chore charts. Meal prep. Homework stations and perfectly organized snack drawers.
If those things genuinely make your life easier, wonderful. Structure and preparation do have their place.
But a routine should support your family, not become another standard you feel like you’re failing to meet.
When I think about how to get kids back into a routine, I’m less interested in creating the perfect schedule and more interested in identifying where a family actually needs support.
Where does your household tend to get stuck?
If mornings are chaotic, maybe that’s where you put your energy. Clothes are chosen the night before. Backpacks live by the door. Breakfast options get simplified.
If bedtime is the hardest part of the day, maybe the focus is creating a predictable wind-down routine and protecting enough time for everyone to settle.
You don’t have to overhaul your entire family because September has arrived. Start with the places where a little more structure would create a little less stress.
Behavior Is Often Communication
One of the things I encourage parents to consider during periods of change is what might be happening underneath the behavior they’re seeing.
Instead of only asking:
“How do I get them to stop doing this?”
Try asking:
“What might this behavior be communicating right now?”
Your child who suddenly doesn’t want you to leave at drop-off may be experiencing back-to-school anxiety. The child arguing about bedtime may not simply be testing boundaries; they may be struggling with the loss of summer freedom. Your teenager who seems irritated by every question you ask may be carrying anxiety about friendships, academics, or walking back into a social environment they’ve been away from for months.
Understanding behavior doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries. Children still need expectations. They still need bedtime. They still need to go to school.
But we can hold a boundary while remaining curious about what’s happening emotionally.
Sometimes that sounds like:
“I know you wish you could stay up later. Summer bedtime was fun, and getting back into this routine is hard. We’re still going to start getting ready for bed now.”
Both things get to exist: empathy and structure.
Regulation Comes Before the Routine
We talk a lot about teaching children emotional regulation, but children learn regulation in relationship.
Before they can consistently calm themselves, they often borrow calm from us.
And that can be difficult when you’re dysregulated too.
If your child is melting down while you’re rushing, frustrated, worried about being late, and mentally running through everything you need to accomplish that day, chances are neither nervous system is particularly interested in a thoughtful conversation about feelings.
Sometimes the first step is simply slowing yourself down enough to respond instead of reacting.
Take a breath before answering. Lower your voice instead of raising it. Give yourself ten extra minutes in the morning when possible. If everyone is consistently falling apart at the same point in the routine, get curious about what needs to change rather than assuming everyone needs to try harder.
Family routines work best when they make regulation easier, not when they become another source of tension.
Parents Are Transitioning Too
I think this part gets overlooked.
Your children aren’t the only ones going back to school.
You are too, in your own way.
The family calendar fills up again. Homework returns. After school activities start. Transportation is complicated. Teachers send emails. Sports schedules appear. Somebody needs something signed by tomorrow morning that you definitely first heard about tonight.
And you may have feelings about summer ending too.
Maybe you’re relieved. Maybe you’re exhausted. Maybe summer didn’t look anything like you imagined. Maybe you’re ready for structure again but already anxious about the pace that comes with the school year.
There can be guilt in admitting that you’re ready for your children to go back to school, especially when parenting culture tells us we should cherish every moment.
You can love your children deeply and still be ready for school to reopen.
You can miss them during the day and appreciate the quiet.
You can be excited about getting back into a routine and overwhelmed by what that routine requires of you.
Parents deserve space for their own back-to-school stress, too.
How I Support Parents Through Transitions
When I work with parents who are struggling during transitions, we don’t start by creating the perfect morning routine.
We start by figuring out where things are actually breaking down.
Sometimes the problem isn’t bedtime itself. It’s that everyone is overstimulated by bedtime.
Sometimes the morning isn’t inherently chaotic; there simply isn’t enough time built into it.
Sometimes a child’s behavior is communicating anxiety that hasn’t had words yet. And sometimes parents are placing expectations on themselves that no family could realistically sustain.
This is where parent coaching and therapy can be helpful. Together, we can look at what’s developmentally appropriate, identify patterns that are creating stress, and find ways to respond that support both the child and the parent.
Some of the strategies I use with families include gradually introducing routines instead of changing everything at once, identifying emotional triggers around transitions, practicing co-regulation, creating predictable cues around bedtime and mornings, and helping parents separate a child’s emotional reaction from their own sense of whether they’re parenting well.
Because a child having a hard time doesn’t automatically mean you’re doing something wrong.
Sometimes they’re simply having a hard time.
And sometimes the most helpful thing you can offer isn’t the perfect solution, but a steady presence while they adjust.
A Final Thought
The goal isn’t to have your family perfectly adjusted by the first morning of school.
There will probably be a forgotten water bottle. Someone may cry. Someone may insist they have absolutely nothing to wear despite standing in front of a closet full of clothes. You may lose your patience and wish you’d handled something differently.
That’s family life, not failure.
Transitions take time.
Summer took time to settle into, and your family deserves time to settle out of it.
Give yourself permission to adjust as you go. Keep what works. Change what doesn’t. Pay attention to what your children are communicating and remember that your needs belong in the family routine too.
Structure doesn’t have to mean rigidity.
At its best, structure gives everyone something to return to.
A Gentle Takeaway
As your family moves from summer into the school year, remember:
- We don’t have to change everything at once.
- My child’s difficult behavior may be communicating a difficult feeling.
- I can offer empathy while still holding boundaries.
- A routine should support our family, not create more pressure for us.
- My regulation matters, too.
- One difficult morning does not define our entire school year.
The first few weeks may feel messy. That’s okay.
You aren’t trying to build a perfect routine. You’re helping your family find its way back to one another, and into a rhythm that makes the next season a little easier to hold.
If you want to learn more or need support, schedule a consultation with me here!
