By: Tiffanie Brown, LCSW-R Clinical Director, Renewed Focus The holidays. A time for laughter, delicious food, and catching up with family and friends. But let’s be real—sometimes those conversations can feel less like catching up and more like being put on trial. Whether it’s about your career, relationships, personal choices, or politics, the holidays have a way of bringing up the questions and comments you’d rather avoid. You’re already imagining that one family member who always goes there, aren’t you? Take a deep breath. You’re not alone in this, and the good news is, there are ways to handle tricky holiday conversations without sacrificing your peace or your joy. This guide is your secret weapon to navigate those moments with grace, humor, and confidence—so you can focus on what the season is really about: reconnecting, celebrating, and savoring time with the people you love (even when they test your patience). 1. Set Boundaries Early Let’s start with the basics: boundaries. If you know a certain family member tends to ask prying or uncomfortable questions, don’t wait for the moment to hit you like a snowball to the face. Be proactive. Decide ahead of time what’s off-limits and have a couple of boundary-setting phrases ready to go. Example: • “I appreciate your curiosity, but I’d rather keep my dating life private.” • “Let’s not spend tonight talking about my career. I just want to enjoy being with everyone.” Short, sweet, and clear. These responses let you steer the conversation without drama. Want to keep things positive? Follow up with a compliment or a question about them to pivot the focus. 2. Shift the Focus Back to Them Here’s a little secret: most people love talking about themselves. So, when someone tosses an uncomfortable question your way, gently lob it back with a redirection. Example: • “That’s an interesting question! What about you—how’s work been lately?” • “Why don’t you tell me more about your new house? I heard it’s gorgeous!” This move is like conversational aikido—it redirects the energy away from you while keeping things friendly and engaging. Plus, it gives you a chance to genuinely connect without feeling cornered. 3. Use Humor to Deflect Sometimes, the best way to defuse tension is with a little humor. A witty response can set boundaries without making things awkward, and it keeps the mood light and fun. Example: • “Oh, you’ll have to wait for my autobiography for that one!” • “Trust me, my life updates are boring. Let’s talk about yours—you always have the best stories.” Humor creates a buffer between you and the question while signaling that you’re not taking the bait. If your family appreciates a good laugh, this can even become a running joke for future gatherings. 4. Give Short, Clear Answers Not every question deserves a deep dive. Sometimes, a polite but brief response is all you need to acknowledge the asker without opening the door to follow-ups. Example: • “Thanks for asking! Things are good on my end.” • “I’m doing well, thanks. How about you?” This approach keeps the interaction polite but moves things along quickly. Once you’ve answered, redirect the conversation to something lighter or more neutral. 5. Excuse Yourself When Needed Let’s be real: sometimes the best way to protect your peace is to physically remove yourself from the situation. Holiday gatherings can be overwhelming, and it’s perfectly okay to take a breather. Example: • “Excuse me, I need to grab some water.” • “I’ve been waiting for this call—let me step out for a second.” Even just a few minutes away can help you reset and recharge. It’s not about escaping permanently—it’s about giving yourself space to stay grounded. 6. Ask for Their Support Most people aren’t trying to upset you; they just don’t realize they’ve crossed a line. If that’s the case, a little direct communication can go a long way. Example: • “I’d love it if we could keep today’s conversation light and fun.” • “I know you mean well, but I really need a break from talking about that.” This kind of honesty shows you value the relationship and want to enjoy the time together—just on terms that work for both of you. 7. Reinforce Boundaries Gently Some people need a little extra nudge to respect boundaries, and that’s okay. A gentle reminder can help keep things on track without escalating the situation. Example: • “I really appreciate your concern, but I’d rather not talk about that right now.” • “Thanks for checking in, but let’s leave that topic for another time.” Acknowledging their good intentions while holding firm to your limits is a respectful way to steer the conversation elsewhere. 8. Bring Up Shared Memories Nothing shifts the vibe like reminiscing over a shared laugh or a heartwarming memory. When the conversation takes a turn you’d rather avoid, bring up a fun or meaningful moment from the past. Example: • “This reminds me of that time we all stayed up late playing board games!” • “Remember when we had that ridiculous snowball fight? I still can’t believe Uncle Joe slipped on the ice.” Shared memories are like a reset button for group dynamics. They remind everyone why you’re gathered together in the first place: connection, love, and a shared history. 9. Compliment and Redirect Sometimes, a well-timed compliment is all you need to shift the conversation in a new direction. Example: • “I love how creative you are! How’s the new painting coming along?” • “You’re always so thoughtful. How’s your garden doing this year?” Compliments make people feel seen and appreciated, which often leads them to open up about themselves—taking the focus off you in the process. 10. Keep Answers Vague if Needed If you’re caught off guard, it’s okay to keep things vague. You’re not obligated to share details just because someone asks. Example: • “It’s keeping me busy!” • “Never a dull moment, that’s for sure.” Vagueness is polite but firm—it acknowledges the question without

By Melissa Robinson-Brown, PhD Renewed Focus Founder & Executive Director Let’s be honest—the holidays can bring out the best in people… and sometimes the absolute worst.  The media would have you believe this time of year is all about the cheer, the fun holiday decorations, the sexy silver jeans from Old Navy  that make your bootay look great (have you seen the Jhud commercial?  I want her whole outfit….but I digress), and the time spent with family that only looks this beautiful at this time of the year.  But what happens if those happy go lucky, candy sweet images don’t align or work for you?   If you’re already bracing yourself for the yearly family chaos, you’re not alone. From unsolicited life advice (Aunty Doreen:  “So girl, when are you finally gonna settle down and give me a great grand niece or nephew”) to your overly and victim role mama who can’t HELP but comment on your outfit or how you’re wearing your hair to the relative who is always trying to stir up some ish, the holiday table can feel like a minefield. But come in closer for a second because I have something to tell you.  Get really close.  —YOU can get through it without getting pulled into the mess and YOU always have choices about how to handle this time of year.  So check out these tips.  Grab what you need and leave the rest.   1. Boundaries Are Non-Negotiable First thing’s first: boundaries. I know you’ve heard this a million times but this is SO key!  If you’re not setting them, you’re basically giving folks free reign to push your buttons. And let’s be clear: boundaries don’t make you the Grinch; they just make sure you leave the gathering with your peace intact.  And remember, boundaries are about you and your behavior.  You cannot control anyone else’s behavior even if they are your family.   How to set ‘em and mean it: 2. Stop Expecting a Holiday Miracle If you’re hoping for your family to magically be on their best behavior, then unfortunately, the joke’s on you.  You’re setting yourself up for disappointments if you think your family will magically become a better version of themselves just because it’s December.  Instead, the hack is to know what you’re walking into and manage your own holiday expectations. How to manage expectations: 3. Keep a Drama Exit Strategy Ready Even with all the prep in the world, sometimes drama just pops off.  If your goal is to diffuse family tension, make sure you have a game plan to shut things down before they escalate.  This can save you from getting dragged into something you didn’t sign up for.   How to keep it cool: 4. Decide What You’re Bringing to the Table Nah, I’m not talking about the yummy potatoes au gratin that you slay every year (although keeping something you’d enjoy on hand may add more joy to your experience).   The thing is, you get to choose how you show up, no matter what everyone else is doing.  Instead of just rolling up and hoping for the best, go in with an intention and keep yourself grounded in this intention.  Whether it’s keeping things light, focusing on the positive, or just getting through the day drama-free, decide in advance what you’re not willing to get pulled into. How to set a family holiday intention: 5. Just Don’t Go SOOOOO, sometimes the best way to handle family drama… is to skip it altogether!  Yep…I said it—you don’t have to go if you know it’s going to drain you or stir up stress you don’t need. Choosing not to attend the family gathering is a bold, self-respecting move that prioritizes your mental and emotional well-being. The holidays don’t have to mean putting yourself through the wringer for the sake of tradition. Also transparency note here:  I know for some families, especially families of color who tend to come from a more collectivist point of view, the idea of fully skipping the gathering feels disrespectful to tradition and impossible.  I want to hold space for that and note that some of these other tips may be more helpful than this one and that’s ok.   How to Decide If Skipping Is the Right Move: How to Communicate Your Choice (Without the Guilt): Choosing not to attend family gatherings might feel radical, but for some, it’s the healthiest choice they can make. This isn’t about avoiding people—it’s about setting limits where you need them most. Final Thoughts: It’s Your Holiday Too Let’s make one thing clear: you deserve to enjoy your holiday without getting sucked into unnecessary drama. You’re there for the food, the laughter, the memories—not the nonsense. So take charge, hold those boundaries, and keep your vibe intact. You’ve got this. Ready for Extra Support to Master Family Drama? If navigating holiday family drama feels like a tall order, we’ve got you covered. Join our upcoming masterclass, Holiday Game Plan: Mastering Family Drama Through the Season and Thriving—where we’ll dive deep into practical tools and real strategies to keep your peace intact and make this holiday season truly enjoyable. Mark your calendar: December 5, 2024, at 8 pm. Whether you need a solid game plan, new ways to set boundaries, or just a little extra support, this masterclass has it all. 👉 Get on the waitlist now (or click the link if it’s set up) to save your spot, and head into the season ready to thrive, not just survive!

By Melanie Gibbons, LAC Renewed Focus Staff Psychotherapist Alright, it’s that time again—the summer’s winding down, Target is packed with families on a mission, and our social media feeds are about to be flooded with first-day-of-school pics. (You know the ones. Backpacks bigger than the kids, grinning faces, and the “Can you believe they’re in 3rd grade already?!” captions.) Back-to-school season is exciting, no doubt. But for those of us navigating co-parenting, it’s also a season of deep breaths and extra caffeine. Juggling new schedules, dealing with “Who’s paying for this field trip?”, and managing two households can leave you feeling like you’re trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube… while blindfolded… with one hand. Yeah, it’s like that.But don’t worry, sis—I got you! We’re going to talk about how to make this transition smooth for your kids and for you. Why Consistency is Your Best Friend (For Real, Though) Okay, real talk—kids need consistency. Like, need it. Studies show that kids who have consistent routines (especially when their parents aren’t under the same roof) are happier, do better in school, and have fewer behavior problems. And we’re not making this up—this is straight from the American Psychological Association , so you know it’s legit. So, what does that mean for you and your co-parent? Well, even if you have different rules in your houses (because let’s face it, it’s gonna happen), keeping some routines consistent will help your kids thrive. We’re talking bedtimes, homework routines, and after-school activities. Yes, you’ll need to talk to your co-parent. For some of us, that’s a no-brainer. But for the 20-30% of us who have to manage challenging or high-conflict situations with our co-parent, the idea of having to navigate these situations with the other person might have you giving this whole blog a hard-a$$ eye roll (again, I know… sigh). But trust me, it’s worth it. The Real-Life Struggles of Co-Parenting During the School Year Let’s break down some of the most common challenges of co-parenting during the school year, and you can nod along if any of these sound like your life right now:   Schedule Chaos: Between drop-offs, pick-ups, extracurricular activities, and surprise “I forgot I need this project done by tomorrow” moments, it’s a circus. And you’re the ringmaster trying to make sure the whole show doesn’t collapse. Homework Drama: The other half of your mandated partnership is chill about homework (because of course, they are), while you’re the one sitting at the table like, “Do I have to explain fractions again?!” The back-and-forth on homework expectations can make your kid’s head spin, not to mention your own. Back-to-School Expenses: Let’s talk about the cost of school. Supplies, clothes, sports fees, and those darn fundraiser packets that somehow show up every month. Who’s paying for what, and how do you even begin to keep it all fair? Inconsistent Rules: In your house, there’s a 9 p.m. bedtime and strict screen-time rules. In your co-parent’s house, bedtime is whenever Fortnite finishes. Keeping things consistent feels impossible when the rules change with the address. Communication Issues: Raise your hand if you’ve ever sent a text to your co-parent about a school event… only to have them “not see it” until it’s too late. Yeah, it’s frustrating. Miscommunication is the root of all school-related co-parenting drama. Making Co-Parenting Work: The Back-to-School Edition Alright, now that we’ve called out the madness, let’s talk about how we can actually survive (and maybe even thrive) this school year.  1. The Power of a Shared Calendar (Seriously, GET ONE)   You know how we all have that one friend who schedules everything on her phone and sends reminders for happy hour? Be that friend—except do it for your co-parenting life. Whether you go old-school with a wall calendar or use something like Google Calendar, having everything in one place saves lives… and sanity. Plug in all the things: parent-teacher conferences, soccer games, math tests (you know your kid is going to “forget” about that one). This way, no one’s left asking, “Wait, who’s picking up from karate today?”   2. Consistency, But Make It Fun   Consistency doesn’t have to be boring. Try to sync up with your co-parent on a few key things: bedtimes, homework schedules, and maybe even meals. (Okay, you don’t have to have identical dinners, but if your kid has chicken nuggets five nights in a row, they’re going to notice.) Keep the vibe light and focus on what’ll help your kiddo feel secure no matter where they’re sleeping that night. Let them know what’s happening in both houses so they aren’t thrown off when it’s mom’s night or dad’s weekend. Pro tip: get your kids involved in creating these routines so they feel more in control.   3. Tag-Team the School Communication   Teamwork makes the dream work, right? You don’t have to be BFFs with your co-parent, but you do need to keep each other in the loop about school stuff. I’m talking grades, behavior reports, surprise school assemblies that no one remembered until the night before—everything. You can even try attending parent-teacher conferences together. (I know, sounds awkward, but hear me out.) If sitting side-by-side at the tiny elementary school desk feels too weird, at least divide and conquer. One of you goes to the first half, the other takes the second. Then meet up after to compare notes like responsible grown-ups.  4. Divide and Conquer the Costs Nobody loves talking about money, but when it comes to back-to-school shopping, it’s gotta be done. Those backpacks, notebooks, and endless supplies aren’t free, honey. Have an upfront convo about who’s paying for what, and if you need to, split it down the middle. Or divvy it up based on income if that works better. However you handle it, don’t let money get in the way of your kid’s school success. Clear communication = fewer arguments later. 5. Parenting Styles: Different Strokes for Different Folks   Listen, no two households are

Knowing When to Hold Em…And When to Throw the Whole Thing in the Trash! Do you have one those rooms or spaces in your house?  You know, that extra room or nook that you haven’t really turned into anything, yet it’s full of clutter. You buy a new appliance, but you’re not sure if you might have to return it, so you put the box in there. Or you have some papers that you need to sort through, and you just haven’t had the time to figure out what you need to keep or get rid of, so it goes in that room. Then there’s that old ottoman that you just know you will use in another room at some point, so in it goes. And what about those size 10 jeans that you used to wear all the time?  Now that you’re down to a size 6, you keep hearing that little voice in your head whispering that you’re going to put the weight back on, so you should just save the jeans, right? Oh, and those old worn out boots you still have a soft spot for… You get the idea. Little by little, the room fills up and instead of potentially becoming your next #girlboss space, your next art studio, your next meditation space, or your next in-home gym, it becomes a storage space cluttered with all the things that you don’t want to deal with or haven’t made time to address. Let’s Keep It 100! Truth be told, we do this with the tough and taxing things in our lives, too, don’t we?  We all have that friend who seems to always talk about herself, never initiates the text conversation, never asks how you’re doing, and tends to cancel last minute on plans that were established weeks in advance. You know you’re not getting anything out of this friendship, but you don’t want to confront her about it, so you store it away in your “spare room,” hoping maybe the friendship will fizzle out and you won’t have to deal with it. Or your ex… Yes, I’m going to take it there! Your ex. The person whose shoes or underwear, or toothbrush, or makeup bag, or intimate letters are still creating clutter in your life.  And even if their physical things are not in your spare room, you still see their posts on Facebook, their tweets are still coming down your timeline, their texts are still on your phone, but you tell yourself you’ve actually let go of your relationship baggage. But it’s really in that spare room ready to trigger you the moment you see them on Instagram with a new person, or when they text you to see how you’re doing, and now the moving on process has started all over again. Perhaps what’s  creating clutter in that room is the exhaustion and resentment you feel towards your job or your co-workers, but the process of finding a new job or creating distance with your co-workers feels so daunting that you just put it away, smile and keep it moving. What Happens When Your Storage is Full? Let’s face it, “storage” means that we don’t have to deal with hard emotions and feelings at this very moment, especially when it seems overwhelming and you’re not sure where to start.  It makes total sense given that the day to day may feel like a lot in it of itself. So why in the world would you deal with what’s in the spare bedroom?!? The hard truth is, even though we’ve tucked it away and we may not have to spend active brain energy on it, everything stored in that spare bedroom is taking up valuable physical and emotional space. Because that’s what clutter does.  As soon as you enter that space and see the things you’ve pushed to the side, the reality of it is going to trigger the same difficult emotions that you tried to avoid by hiding them away. The hardest part:  The space being taken up is blocking the space you need to GROW. Imagine what you could do with that spare bedroom if it wasn’t piled up with all the things you want to hide. If you had a clear canvas, what would you do?  Create a reading room?  Design a killer guest bedroom?  A playroom for your kids?  An office where you can finally start that business you’ve been dreaming about?  It might even mean the space to think about new relationships, new jobs and new co-workers. You need brain space to thrive! Let me say that again: YOU NEED BRAIN SPACE TO THRIVE! We need to have the mental energy to think about our growth, because otherwise there is just no room!  Cleaning out the chaos in your spare bedroom, while potentially emotionally exhausting and taxing, frees up the space you need to THRIVE! Let’s Do Some Cleaning Wondering how to clear out the clutter?  Well here are a few tips to get you started. Schedule it!This may not be something that you can do on a whim.  You might need to put it in your calendar so you can emotionally prepare to let go of what’s in the room. Make it a day of empowerment, focused on you taking care of you. Identify what you need to get rid of and set a deadline for when those things will be gone. Know that this will be challenging! It’s in your “spare room” for a reason.  If you already knew what to do with it, you’d have made that decision and moved on. The things in this room are the things that have made you anxious, indecisive, hurt, angry and downright confused. So, in entering the room, it means you’ll have to confront those feelings and process them. That’s not an easy thing to do. Grab some friends! Look, we all know that facing past demons and past hurts can be tough as hell. So grab a close friend to help you do the work!  Support is sometimes