by Melanie Gibbons, LPC
Taking time off from work is supposed to feel restful.
You submit the PTO request. You set the out-of-office message. You imagine yourself sipping something cold, ignoring emails, and becoming the relaxed version of yourself who says things like, “I’m really trying to be more present.”
Adorable.
Then reality hits.
Before you can take one single day off, you have to finish 47 tasks, prep your coworkers, answer “quick questions,” create a coverage plan, remind three people where things live, and somehow predict every possible emergency that could happen while you’re away.
By the time your PTO actually starts, you don’t feel relaxed. You feel like you just planned a wedding, filed taxes, and trained your replacement.
And then, while you’re supposed to be resting, your brain is still at work.
Did I send that email?
What if they need me?
What if something goes wrong?
Should I check Slack just once?
Why am I like this?
Welcome to summer PTO stress, where taking a break somehow becomes another job.
And if this sounds familiar, you are absolutely not alone.
Why PTO can feel stressful instead of restful
Let’s be honest. A lot of workplaces say they want people to take time off, but the actual culture says, “Sure, take your vacation, but please make sure everything functions perfectly in your absence and also don’t inconvenience anyone.”
Um, HELLO?!
No wonder people feel stressed before, during, and after PTO.
For many professionals, especially those dealing with chronic workplace stress, time off does not feel like rest. It feels like pressure. Pressure to prepare, pressure to disconnect, pressure to enjoy every second, and pressure to return without being behind.
That is not a vacation. That is a performance review with sunscreen.
As a therapist, I experience the same types of stress. I have built my career around establishing healthy and safe relationships with my clients, many of whom are working through attachment wounds, anxiety, or fears of being unsupported. When I consider taking time off, I always think, “How will this affect my clients? What if they need me and I am not there?” I will admit some of this added anxiety is self-induced, but that does not make it any easier to deal with.
Summer PTO stress often comes from the mental load of trying to make your absence invisible. You’re not just taking time off. You’re trying to make sure no one feels the impact of you being gone.
And that is exhausting.
The pre-vacation scramble is real
Let’s talk about the days leading up to PTO.
This is when work suddenly becomes weirdly urgent. Tasks that have been sitting quietly for weeks suddenly rise from the dead like, “Actually, I need to be completed before you leave.”
Your inbox gets bold. Your calendar gets disrespectful. Everyone has “just one thing” they want to ask you before you go.
In my case, a client will share their deepest and darkest secret and need to process immediately right before I review who they should contact while I am away from the office.
And because you are trying to be responsible, you start over functioning.
You write detailed notes.
You send reminders.
You follow up on follow-ups.
You answer emails that could have waited.
You try to leave everything so perfectly organized that your absence causes zero disruption.
But here’s the problem: if you must work double before you rest, your body doesn’t experience PTO as safety. It experiences it as something you must survive first.
That matters.
Because by the time you finally stop working, your nervous system is still sprinting.
Your body does not downshift just because your calendar says “vacation”
This is the part people miss.
You can close your laptop and still feel activated.
Your body may still be in go-mode. Your thoughts may still be racing. Your shoulders may still be up by your ears. You may be physically at the beach but mentally in a meeting you are not even attending.
Very rude of your brain, honestly.
This is why some people get sick the first few days of vacation or feel strangely emotional when they finally slow down. When your body has been running on stress hormones, urgency, and caffeine with a side of “I’ll deal with myself later,” rest can feel unfamiliar.
Sometimes the second things get quiet, everything you were pushing through catches up.
So, if it takes you a few days to actually feel present during PTO, you’re not doing vacation wrong. Your nervous system just needs time to believe it’s allowed to stop.
Why unplugging feels so hard
Let’s discuss the emotional attachment some of us have to checking email.
You tell yourself, “I’m just going to look real quick.”
Next thing you know, you’re knee-deep in a thread that has nothing to do with you, emotionally invested in a problem no one asked you to solve.
Why do we do this?
Sometimes it’s habit. Sometimes it’s anxiety. Sometimes it’s workplace culture. And sometimes it’s the fear that if we fully disconnect, something will fall apart and somehow prove we were never doing enough.
That’s the sneaky part of work anxiety. It convinces you that being available equals being valuable.
And I see this all the time, with myself (if I am being honest) and other therapists that I know. We become so attached to the wellness of our clients that we cannot help but to constantly check and make sure they are ok, even on vacation. And the craziest thing about this is that the point of therapy is so that clients can learn to function at high levels on their own! What message are we actually sending here?
Because constant availability is not the same as commitment. It is often a sign that boundaries have been blurred for too long.
Your job should not need access to your nervous system 24/7. That is not dedication. That is a hostage situation with email notifications.
The return-to-work dread is part of PTO stress too
People talk a lot about vacation prep, but not enough about the return.
You know that feeling when your PTO is almost over and suddenly you start mentally reopening your inbox like it’s a haunted basement?
That’s return-to-work dread.
You may start thinking:
How many emails are waiting for me?
What did I miss?
How behind am I?
Will I regret taking time off?
This dread can steal the last day or two of your break. Suddenly, you’re not resting anymore. You’re pre-stressing.
And the unfair part? You haven’t even returned yet.
If your workplace does not have healthy systems for coverage, re-entry, and realistic workload management, PTO can feel less like a break and more like borrowing rest from your future self. I feel this as a therapist too. When you do relational work, stepping away takes planning, clear communication, and a lot of reminding yourself that being unavailable for a few days does not mean you are abandoning anyone.
How to make PTO feel less like a second job
You may not be able to change your entire workplace culture before your next vacation. Very annoying, I know.
But you can start creating better boundaries around how you prepare, leave, and return.
1. Make a “good enough” coverage plan
Not a perfect plan. A good enough plan.
Include:
- what needs attention
- who is covering what
- what can wait until you return
- what is actually urgent
- where key information lives
Do not write a 19-page dissertation called “How to Exist Without Me.” We are aiming for helpful, not heroic.
2. Stop trying to make your absence invisible
This one is hard.
People may need to wait. A task may move slower. A coworker may have to make a decision. That is okay.
PTO means you are not available. It does not mean you secretly pre-worked enough to make it seem like you never left.
Let people experience reasonable limits.
3. Create an actual email boundary
Try something like:
“I will not be checking email while I’m away and will respond when I return.”
Or if you truly must check:
“I will check email once on Wednesday for urgent matters only.”
But be honest with yourself. If “urgent matters only” turns into reading every message while standing in line for ice cream, we have a problem. And it’s you; you are the problem.
4. Build in a transition day if possible
If you can, do not return from travel at 11 p.m. and go back to work at 8 a.m. the next morning.
That is not re-entry. That is violence.
Give yourself a buffer day or even a buffer half-day. Laundry, groceries, sleep, emotional recovery, staring at a wall. All valid.
5. Plan your first day back before you leave
Before PTO starts, block your first morning back to catch up. No meetings if you can help it.
Give yourself time to read, sort, prioritize, and breathe.
Your first day back should not feel like being launched from a cannon.
6. Practice actually resting
Rest is a skill. That sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.
If your body is used to urgency, rest may feel uncomfortable at first. You may need to practice:
- putting your phone away
- taking a walk without multitasking
- letting your brain be bored
- resisting the urge to “just check”
- reminding yourself that rest is allowed
You are not lazy. You are recovering.
A small reframe
Instead of asking, “How do I make sure everything is fine while I’m gone?” try asking:
“What needs to happen so I can actually be gone?”
That shift matters.
Because PTO is not just about being physically away from work. It is about giving your mind and body permission to step out of work mode.
You deserve time off that does not require a recovery period from preparing for it.
Final thoughts
If summer PTO feels stressful, it does not mean you are bad at resting. It may mean you have been carrying too much, for too long, with too few boundaries and not enough support.
Workplace stress has a way of convincing you that constant availability is normal. So let me be clear: IT IS NOT.
You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to be unavailable. And yes, the inbox will survive. Probably with attitude, but it will survive.
If this resonated with you and you’re realizing work stress has been following you home, into your body, and maybe even into your relationships, it may be time to get support. You can book a consultation call if you’d like to talk through what’s been weighing on you and what healthier boundaries could look like.
No pressure. Just a conversation that does not require an out-of-office reply.
