by Tiffanie Brown, LCSW
If you have been anywhere near TikTok or a radio in 2025, then you have heard Doechii’s song Anxiety; and if you haven’t, please go listen right now.
The Grammy-winning rapper describes anxiety as something that “keeps trying her; quietly working to silence her; sitting on her chest like a weight and she can’t shake it off.”
And the reason that song hits so hard for so many of us?
Because she put into words what a lot of us have been feeling but couldn’t quite name.
Anxiety isn’t always loud.
Sometimes it’s that low hum in the background of your life, the thing that keeps you up at 2 a.m., the tightness in your chest before a big meeting, the feeling that somebody is always watching and judging. Doechii wasn’t just making a song. She was describing what it feels like to be a Black woman navigating the world with anxiety riding shotgun.
And that’s exactly what we’re here to talk about today. How to move anxiety out of the damn drivers’ seat!
You’ve probably Googled “how to calm anxiety” at least once.
And what did you find? Deep breathing. Mindfulness meditation. Maybe a guided body scan. And while those things can work, let’s be honest; they don’t always cut it.
Now don’t come for me! I am not bashing breathe work, but sometimes you are too activated to sit still. Sometimes breathing deeply feels impossible when your chest is already tight. And sometimes you just need something that actually meets you where you are.
If you are nodding yes, then this post is for you.
The Superwoman – who is doing all the things, holding it all together, and still wondering why anxiety keeps showing up uninvited. I work with women of color who are ready to stop just surviving and start living authentically, and in alignment with who they truly are. If anxiety has been running the show and you’re ready to take your power back, I’d love to walk alongside you.
What I often hear in my therapy sessions is “I am here because nobody has time for anxiety to be interrupting my life.”
Heard! So, I am going to go deeper than the typical advice.
We’re going to talk about what anxiety actually looks like in your body, how your nervous system is working behind the scenes, and the more subtle, but incredibly powerful self-soothing techniques that no one really talks about.
Anxiety Is Not Always What You Think It Looks Like
When most people think of anxiety, they picture panic attacks or constant worrying. But anxiety can be sneaky. It shows up in ways that are so woven into your daily life that you might not even recognize it as anxiety at all.
Do any of these sound familiar?
- You’re always early, like uncomfortably early, because the thought of being late sends your body into overdrive.
- You replay conversations from three days ago, editing what you should have said.
- You say yes when you mean no, just to avoid the discomfort of disappointing someone.
- You can’t fully relax, even when nothing is technically wrong.
- You wake up already tired, already bracing for the day.
These are all signs that your nervous system is working overtime. And sis, that is exhausting.
What’s Actually Happening in Your Nervous System
Ever heard someone say you are dysregulated?
Well, here is where we get into the good stuff, nervous system regulation. Your autonomic nervous system has two main modes: the sympathetic nervous system (your fight-or-flight response) and the parasympathetic nervous system (your rest-and-digest state).
When anxiety hits, your body defaults to fight-or-flight. In fight or flight, cortisol spikes, your heart rate increases, your digestion slows, and your brain becomes laser-focused on perceived threats.
Here’s the part that doesn’t get talked about enough: for many women of color, that fight-or-flight system is chronically activated.
Not because something is “wrong” with you, but because navigating racism, microaggressions, hypervisibility, and the constant pressure to perform can keep your nervous system in a near-constant state of low-grade stress. And over time, living in low grade stress will come at a cost.
Emotional regulation isn’t just about managing your feelings in the moment. It’s about training your nervous system to return to safety, and that requires more than a breathing exercise.
So, Let’s slow down and look at how anxiety might be running your life without you even realizing it.
In your body: Jaw clenching, especially at night. Shoulders that live up by your ears. Shallow breathing that you don’t notice until someone points it out. A stomach that is often upset. Tension headaches that come out of nowhere. These are your body’s anxiety signals. I like to refer to this as the “whispers” before the shout.
In your behavior: Procrastination that’s actually avoidance. Over-explaining yourself in emails. Checking your phone compulsively. Overcommitting and then dreading everything on your calendar. Difficulty making decisions, even small ones, because your nervous system is already maxed out.
In your relationships: Difficulty receiving care. Staying in situations longer than you should because conflict feels unbearable. People-pleasing as a survival strategy. Disconnecting emotionally before someone can leave you.
In your thinking: Catastrophizing. Assuming the worst before the outcome is known. Difficulty being present because your mind is always running three steps ahead or stuck three steps behind.
Recognizing these patterns is not about diagnosing yourself. It’s about developing a compassionate awareness of how anxiety is showing up, so you can meet it with something that works.
10 Grounding Techniques for Anxiety That Go Beyond the Basics
Grounding techniques for anxiety are tools that help bring you back into your body and into the present moment. But let’s go beyond the typical advice.
1. Bilateral stimulation. This is a technique rooted in trauma therapy, and it works by alternately stimulating both sides of your body to help calm the nervous system. You can do this by tapping alternately on your knees, crossing your arms and tapping your shoulders, or even just walking, because the alternating motion of your feet is naturally bilateral. It sounds simple, but your brain responds to it in a meaningful way.
2. Humming or singing. Your vagus nerve, the key player in nervous system regulation, runs through your throat. Humming, singing, or even chanting activates the vagus nerve and sends a signal to your brain that you are safe. This is why many spiritual and cultural practices include singing as a communal healing tool. Maybe your ancestors knew a little something-something.
3. Cool water on your face or wrists. Splashing cold water on your face or holding your wrists under cool running water activates what’s called the dive reflex, which slows your heart rate almost immediately. This is a quick, accessible form of anxiety relief that you can do anywhere.
4. Orienting. This is one of the most underrated self-soothing techniques available. Slowly look around the room and let your eyes land on five different objects. Don’t rush. Let your gaze soften and settle. This simple act tells your nervous system that you are here, in a real space, and that there is no immediate threat. It interrupts the anxiety loop and brings you back to the present.
5. Completing the stress cycle. This one is huge. Did you know when an animal in the wild escapes a predator, it shakes; literally trembling as a way of releasing the stress hormones from its body. Humans don’t do this, but maybe we should. If your body has been through something stressful, you need to complete the cycle. That might look like shaking your hands out, doing jumping jacks, dancing it out in your kitchen, or crying. Emotional release is your nervous system doing exactly what it needs to do.
6.Slow your mornings down, even by five minutes. The way you start your morning sets the tone for your nervous system all day. Before you reach for your phone, before you check email, give yourself five minutes. Stretch. Breathe. Sit in silence.
7. Name it to tame it. Research in neuroscience has shown that simply labeling an emotion “I feel anxious” reduces the intensity of that emotion in the brain. When anxiety shows up, don’t push it away. Name it. “There’s anxiety. I see you.” This is emotional regulation in one of its simplest forms.
8. Create transition rituals. One of the most common places anxiety spikes is during transitions from work to home, from one task to another, from conversation to solitude. Building small rituals around these transitions helps your nervous system shift gears. It might be as simple as changing your clothes when you get home, making a cup of tea before a hard conversation, or taking three slow exhales before starting your car.
9. Move your body with intention. Movement is one of the most powerful forms of how to calm anxiety, but it doesn’t have to be a gym session. A ten-minute walk where you actually notice the trees, the temperature, and the sound of your footsteps. This is nervous system medicine! The key is to move with presence, not just to check a box.
10. Protect your input. What you consume affects your nervous system. The news. Social media. Conversations that drain you. None of these are neutral. Anxiety relief sometimes looks like putting your phone down an hour before bed, muting accounts that spike your stress, or ending a conversation that’s leaving you dysregulated.
So, grab your water, unclench your jaw, and let’s get into it. We’re not aiming for “never anxious again,” we’re aiming for you back in control. Anxiety can ride along if it wants, but it’s not driving.
Ready to step back into the driver’s seat? Book a consultation with me here!
